writing is my drug...just getting high

am supposed to write a paper on religion for one of my university classes. religion especially in Africa, is a topic that i find quite interesting and one that i am quite passionate in discussing. for some reason i find it much much easier to start the discussion here than to actually start on the paper. the statement am supposed to discuss reads "religion is an escape reality for the poor".

i personally believe it is.The most funny thing is that it is actually an escape from poverty that enriches those that are wise enough to take advantage of it. with the introduction of the new Kenyan "mututho" laws i am almost certain that there shall be more churches per square kilometers than there will be bars. this is good spiritually and economically...at least as far as the church owners are concerned. anyway i find my heart not in this subject anymore the more i get into it. it bores me.

i am not very religious myself.

perhaps my thoughts are more directed to human behavior which i watch intently and with a lot of bewilderment. why do people behave the way they do and think the way they do and make the choices they make. perhaps my own behavior intrigues me more.

for a person who notices very little when on the move, i do actually take some time and observe and think about what i see.

people are strange i have come to vaguely conclude.

i watch people laugh and get sad, and walk fast and fall in love and fall out of love. i have watched people lie and cheat and i have watched people deceive and break promises. i have seen people learn and yet remain ignorant. i have seen people dance and i have seen people sing. people are strange.

people come up with non-governmental organization to raise funds to support the poor or those in need and end up spending majority of the money paying themselves, and moving around, and living in luxury and in advertisements to justify their course.

yet people make different things. from as simple as good music that keeps me warm even as i am alone and lonely, they make beautiful art that soothes the eye. to as complex as skyscrapers and vehicles and planes and this little device that is my friend and plays all my favorite and heartfelt music that i listen to as i walk the streets of Nairobi chasing after hell knows what.

people are starnge and i want to learn them and try to understand the human mind.

perhaps i want to understand my own mind further because in the days that pass i lack purpose and i find myself often confused and betrayed and angry and misunderstood by others and sometimes by my own self. and i have questions that lack answers and sometimes even though i do trust in myself i find that i lack trust in those that i am meant to trust.

quite often too i do find myself all alone despite the fact that i am in a crowd and lonely still when alone. people are strange...and i am strangest.

just as we often do when coupled with feelings like this one needs to run away from all that is familiar and all that is sane and modern. and so to this effect, in a few day, i shall be by the quiet lakeside, where the grass is green, the trees swaying green and the birds joyful. and while there i shall sleep in tents and have no access to electricity and hopefully by the time 48 hrs are over i shall have found my answers or at least a way to ignore the questions.

people are strange.