so its valentines today...the day everybody who is in love is much more in love than any other day of the year. the day single people feel like the world is not right (but not me). the day flower vendors make a killing. the day you might loose you girl to a more romantic bloke. the day you might get married, the day you might be rained on-and you will find it romantic-depending on who you are with...the day i spent doing nothing, absolutely nothing (and no one hehehe)
yeah my day wasn't very valentiny which is not to say am bored or dissapointed...far from it (one of my high school principals used to say that) am actually more happy and content than i thought i would. i dint buy any one flowers or send anyone cards...and i don't think i was supposed to. i did however receive a couple of sweet texts and honestly i didn't reply most of them. one for personal harsh reasons and the others for the simple reason that i was not in the mood and to wish them love and happy times back when i did not me would be lying-and i make it a habit not to lie unless i have to.
i spent most of the day cleaning, listening to music, listening to myself sing (this is quite some work heheh) and just thinking about stuff.
i had a great weekend though...camping, i cant have enough of it. at one point when i make enough money to piss on the world I'll probably grab a tent and camp out somewhere for a year or more...or at least until i get bored of it. so waht did i love about camping?
first, we were camping out by lake naivasha at fisherman's camp and on the 1st morning i woke up early, took a shower and in light clothing headed out to a raft just off the shore of the lake. i watched the sun rise. as the rays split through the reeds, the the raft sway slow over the wind-blown water. and i sat there legs crossed listening to some soft music as the soft breeze blew through my hair and face. birds in packs of four or fives flew above me...probably finding breakfast. and the lake stretched out far leaving only a beatiful shade of blue horizons as far as my eyes could see.
in the evening i set out walking for a few minutes and ended up several kilometers up a hill opposite my campsite. the scene became more breathtaking the more i went up and i kept going. by the time i got hold of myself i had gone over the hill and on to the other side where there was a small village; a true village made up of about 10 or so huts spread out. the walls were of mud and the roofs made of hutch. the village was complete with three cow sheds made of dry maize. it was sunny and the animals lazy so that they the animals carelessly lay by their sheds and stared at me rudely for disturbing their peace.
the women were gathered in one hut fixing their red hair while the men lay under their hut entrances protecting themselves from the scorching sun. the children were the only ones who walked around. they looked at me and laughed. apparently something about me was extremely amusing (i wonder what). on my way back down i came to a rock peak where you could see the whole lake down below...by the time i got back to camp, it was almost dark.
did i mention we were driving a BMW? yes her name is rosy shes a red BMW 520...beautiful thing. Muchi had a few problems with her most of the way but pulled through and boy ain't she a female puller. other than this i got drunk, got naughty and met a few people (note: meet not make friends). at some point i got so high and though i was crawling in a dessert...am now told that i dramatically crawled about a meter and blacked out after that. it was a great weekend...and yes i feel cured now.
happy valentines.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
something missing
it went well. it went better than expected B.A.F one was a success. although it started out on a wrong hitch apparently the venue we were holding it was family owned and some of the family members weren't happy with it and so we had a somewhat confrontation. funny really, women older than my mother could stand out and speak rudely to me despite the fact that it wasn't even my decision to hold the event there. where is the love or respect even...sad.
paukwa pakawa people showed up in good numbers and my artists were able to make up for their money. it went well and i couldn't be happier. life is a journey and you learn as you go. although i cannot quite quantify the lessons i am learning from all the happenings i am experiencing and being part of i know i am learning quite alot.
to be able to rise up and say i was wrong is a good lesson and one that i am quite thankful for. there was nothing that taught me this better than B.A.F. to be able to stand up and take responsibility for something you have no control over.
business aside and to more personal issues...the saying "out of sight out of mind" couldn't be truer (if that's even a word). after all is said and done i find myself quite lonely and alone. i find myself angry and frustrated that i can do nothing about a lost friend that i was forced to think of today...more than friend actually. and even though i feel this, i must be reminded that logic must take center stage before all.
and in this case logic states that i do not go back to this person in any stature. logic and emotion are hard to separate and that i am forced to do. i choose to follow logic. sometimes, when people choose to be what they are...nothing much one can do about it but hope you get over it.
i am looking forward to tomorrow's successes and achievements, to the fun i am going to have, to the challenges i am going to face, people i am going to meet, mistakes i am going to make, lessons i am going to learn, music i am going to love, forgivenesses that i must make and the moving on that i must do.
May God bless the work of my mind and my body.
paukwa pakawa people showed up in good numbers and my artists were able to make up for their money. it went well and i couldn't be happier. life is a journey and you learn as you go. although i cannot quite quantify the lessons i am learning from all the happenings i am experiencing and being part of i know i am learning quite alot.
to be able to rise up and say i was wrong is a good lesson and one that i am quite thankful for. there was nothing that taught me this better than B.A.F. to be able to stand up and take responsibility for something you have no control over.
business aside and to more personal issues...the saying "out of sight out of mind" couldn't be truer (if that's even a word). after all is said and done i find myself quite lonely and alone. i find myself angry and frustrated that i can do nothing about a lost friend that i was forced to think of today...more than friend actually. and even though i feel this, i must be reminded that logic must take center stage before all.
and in this case logic states that i do not go back to this person in any stature. logic and emotion are hard to separate and that i am forced to do. i choose to follow logic. sometimes, when people choose to be what they are...nothing much one can do about it but hope you get over it.
i am looking forward to tomorrow's successes and achievements, to the fun i am going to have, to the challenges i am going to face, people i am going to meet, mistakes i am going to make, lessons i am going to learn, music i am going to love, forgivenesses that i must make and the moving on that i must do.
May God bless the work of my mind and my body.
horoscope
so today, my horoscope read
"Sagittarius, today you will be like a good-luck charm to your family and friends. It's up to you to motivate people to get going and have fun together. Show them your enthusiasm for life. Anyone would be extremely lucky to cross your path today. Your world is full of joy, creativity, and laughter. You're a real inspiration to the people around you."
funny relationship with this horoscope. i find it interesting to read when it does get my day almost correctly or when it's promising like today and on the days it does not it gibberish. so i like it today...its got a positive vibe going on plus its an almost correct analysis of this day.
this is one of my happy days...am looking forward very much to the next few hours. an event am organizing is taking good shape but as always am expecting a few disappointments here and there, i hope they do not overshadow the success but am optimistic.
and atfer today i have camp tomorow...the weeknd cannot get better. and the camp has nothing to do with valentines (am as single and alone as life can possibly allow) which actually saves me alot of money. the camp is just one of those fun random things we do.
3 hours or so from now...i might have a different story...hope it will be a good writing home.
"Sagittarius, today you will be like a good-luck charm to your family and friends. It's up to you to motivate people to get going and have fun together. Show them your enthusiasm for life. Anyone would be extremely lucky to cross your path today. Your world is full of joy, creativity, and laughter. You're a real inspiration to the people around you."
funny relationship with this horoscope. i find it interesting to read when it does get my day almost correctly or when it's promising like today and on the days it does not it gibberish. so i like it today...its got a positive vibe going on plus its an almost correct analysis of this day.
this is one of my happy days...am looking forward very much to the next few hours. an event am organizing is taking good shape but as always am expecting a few disappointments here and there, i hope they do not overshadow the success but am optimistic.
and atfer today i have camp tomorow...the weeknd cannot get better. and the camp has nothing to do with valentines (am as single and alone as life can possibly allow) which actually saves me alot of money. the camp is just one of those fun random things we do.
3 hours or so from now...i might have a different story...hope it will be a good writing home.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
music that makes my world go round II
still cannot stop writing. writing about music as is turning out is quite enjoyable so here are a few more from my 25 most played play-list.
now i dont listen to very much hip hop and in my top 25, Drake accounts for more than five of the tracks. not drake bell the rock guy, drake the Canadian-he of the young money fame. i am addicted to this guy. he seems to sing my life with his verses. as such i shall not just quote one of his songs but rather i shall pick versus from my three favorite tracks. take them as ...poetry stanzas
drake-dreezy
hurt-remix
this song is the 13th track from mix tape heart-break drake 4. there is an unidentified female voice in the track it starts out
"aint nothing worse than the hurt you receive from love
when you get hurt by the one you living for
pain can make you wanna love no more..."
the chorus goes something like
'so many tears ave cried and all for nothing am afraid to say
loving you no more, i just...i cant...i just cant be loving you no more
i love you more than i love myself..."
one of the lines i find most captivating in this song and perhaps one i relate to most is...
"ave been dependent on your love for so long,
punishment for me is trying to move on..."
there is no doubt what the song is about.
karaoke
this is the 2nd track from the album "thank me later". i believe this song is based on an experience he had with Alicia or some girl like that and the song is basically about a girl who leaves him because she believes his life too much.in the song he tries to explain that he must do what he has to. the song is really about the things and people you loose in the race to succeed; i very much relate to that.
the chorus ain't that great (mostly because he auto-tunes it himself himself) but the song is magical.here are some lines that get me
"things have been crazy and hectic, i should have gotten back by now
but you knew how much i wanted to make it, its probably better anyhow..."
"isnt it ironic the girl i want to marry is a wedding palnner
then she tells me my life is too much and then moves to Atlanta...
am always up too late and i worry about you there alone, in that place you call your home...
i hope you dont get known for nothing crazy
because no man likes to hear stories like that about his lady..."
the final nail on the casket however is
"dont be fooled by the money, am still just young and lucky, am surprised you couldnt tell
i was only trying to get ahead"
where
this is the 2nd track from "heartbreak drake 4" mix tape. this song is simply about those people that dont give two shakes about you...until you get something that interest them and oh my goodness they love you. though its only two and a half minutes this song could speak for my whole life.
"took it from signing my own yearbook to booked for the year..."
" i find it kinda ironic you fit with them, coz they weren't around when it wasn't appealing..."
"before this i could never get a call from y'all, now all texts finish xoxo..."
"the difference with me is i don't foregt the past and you gave me nothing so ama give you nothing right back"
"where were you when i was passed out, cashed drought, assed out...i know u here now but..."
now i dont listen to very much hip hop and in my top 25, Drake accounts for more than five of the tracks. not drake bell the rock guy, drake the Canadian-he of the young money fame. i am addicted to this guy. he seems to sing my life with his verses. as such i shall not just quote one of his songs but rather i shall pick versus from my three favorite tracks. take them as ...poetry stanzas
drake-dreezy
hurt-remix
this song is the 13th track from mix tape heart-break drake 4. there is an unidentified female voice in the track it starts out
"aint nothing worse than the hurt you receive from love
when you get hurt by the one you living for
pain can make you wanna love no more..."
the chorus goes something like
'so many tears ave cried and all for nothing am afraid to say
loving you no more, i just...i cant...i just cant be loving you no more
i love you more than i love myself..."
one of the lines i find most captivating in this song and perhaps one i relate to most is...
"ave been dependent on your love for so long,
punishment for me is trying to move on..."
there is no doubt what the song is about.
karaoke
this is the 2nd track from the album "thank me later". i believe this song is based on an experience he had with Alicia or some girl like that and the song is basically about a girl who leaves him because she believes his life too much.in the song he tries to explain that he must do what he has to. the song is really about the things and people you loose in the race to succeed; i very much relate to that.
the chorus ain't that great (mostly because he auto-tunes it himself himself) but the song is magical.here are some lines that get me
"things have been crazy and hectic, i should have gotten back by now
but you knew how much i wanted to make it, its probably better anyhow..."
"isnt it ironic the girl i want to marry is a wedding palnner
then she tells me my life is too much and then moves to Atlanta...
am always up too late and i worry about you there alone, in that place you call your home...
i hope you dont get known for nothing crazy
because no man likes to hear stories like that about his lady..."
the final nail on the casket however is
"dont be fooled by the money, am still just young and lucky, am surprised you couldnt tell
i was only trying to get ahead"
where
this is the 2nd track from "heartbreak drake 4" mix tape. this song is simply about those people that dont give two shakes about you...until you get something that interest them and oh my goodness they love you. though its only two and a half minutes this song could speak for my whole life.
"took it from signing my own yearbook to booked for the year..."
" i find it kinda ironic you fit with them, coz they weren't around when it wasn't appealing..."
"before this i could never get a call from y'all, now all texts finish xoxo..."
"the difference with me is i don't foregt the past and you gave me nothing so ama give you nothing right back"
"where were you when i was passed out, cashed drought, assed out...i know u here now but..."
music that makes my world go round
i love music but ordinarily this would not be a topic i would write on. i am however battling mentally with something right now that i do not care to discuss with anyone and frankly do not care to continue thinking about for it is not worth my time and effort. therefore the only thing i can do right now is write and write and write until i can write no more while listening to music of course. so yes i shall write about writing and music...how cool is that?
so lat me get to it. let me talk about my about play-list, the music i like most and why...here we go...top 25 most played. (ipod nano is a work of wonder by the way) let me start close home;
sauti sol-sunny days
i went to high school with these guys (which is not the reason i like them). they are a talented lot,the best in Kenya if you ask me
their album "mwanzo" is a true work of art and though i love 90% percent of the tracks in it i find myself often listening to this specific track.
the song starts with quite a happy chap whistling and you can almost see him hoping down the street joyfully.
this song gets me on the first few lines
"sunny days, beautiful people pass my way
butterflies and bubble bees, nectar in the air
so i said hip hop hurray!! a brand new day
breath of fresh air to me...smile for me baby"
other lines such as "music is my life, music is my time..bringing me better days,all i can do is sing" just take me out of this world.
this song brightens up any of my blue days and the chorus is as meaningless as it is meaningful and harmonious.
sometimes when we touch-Bonnie Tyler
what gets me about this song is the deepness and the emotion that it is sung with it...the song is literally love. again i cannot stress enough on the urgency and deepness that the song carries. and why wouldn't it with such lines as
" u ask me if i love you, and i choke on my reply
i would rather hurt you honestly, than mislead you with a lie"
and the chorus
"sometimes when we touch, the honesty is too much
that i have to close my eyes and hide,i wanna hold you till i die
till we both break down and cry, i wanna hold you..."
"am just another writer, still stuck in my truth"
this is one of those songs that you break down to.
so lat me get to it. let me talk about my about play-list, the music i like most and why...here we go...top 25 most played. (ipod nano is a work of wonder by the way) let me start close home;
sauti sol-sunny days
their album "mwanzo" is a true work of art and though i love 90% percent of the tracks in it i find myself often listening to this specific track.
the song starts with quite a happy chap whistling and you can almost see him hoping down the street joyfully.
this song gets me on the first few lines
"sunny days, beautiful people pass my way
butterflies and bubble bees, nectar in the air
so i said hip hop hurray!! a brand new day
breath of fresh air to me...smile for me baby"
other lines such as "music is my life, music is my time..bringing me better days,all i can do is sing" just take me out of this world.
this song brightens up any of my blue days and the chorus is as meaningless as it is meaningful and harmonious.
sometimes when we touch-Bonnie Tyler
what gets me about this song is the deepness and the emotion that it is sung with it...the song is literally love. again i cannot stress enough on the urgency and deepness that the song carries. and why wouldn't it with such lines as
" u ask me if i love you, and i choke on my reply
i would rather hurt you honestly, than mislead you with a lie"
and the chorus
"sometimes when we touch, the honesty is too much
that i have to close my eyes and hide,i wanna hold you till i die
till we both break down and cry, i wanna hold you..."
"am just another writer, still stuck in my truth"
this is one of those songs that you break down to.
writing is my drug...just getting high
am supposed to write a paper on religion for one of my university classes. religion especially in Africa, is a topic that i find quite interesting and one that i am quite passionate in discussing. for some reason i find it much much easier to start the discussion here than to actually start on the paper. the statement am supposed to discuss reads "religion is an escape reality for the poor".
i personally believe it is.The most funny thing is that it is actually an escape from poverty that enriches those that are wise enough to take advantage of it. with the introduction of the new Kenyan "mututho" laws i am almost certain that there shall be more churches per square kilometers than there will be bars. this is good spiritually and economically...at least as far as the church owners are concerned. anyway i find my heart not in this subject anymore the more i get into it. it bores me.
i am not very religious myself.
perhaps my thoughts are more directed to human behavior which i watch intently and with a lot of bewilderment. why do people behave the way they do and think the way they do and make the choices they make. perhaps my own behavior intrigues me more.
for a person who notices very little when on the move, i do actually take some time and observe and think about what i see.
people are strange i have come to vaguely conclude.
i watch people laugh and get sad, and walk fast and fall in love and fall out of love. i have watched people lie and cheat and i have watched people deceive and break promises. i have seen people learn and yet remain ignorant. i have seen people dance and i have seen people sing. people are strange.
people come up with non-governmental organization to raise funds to support the poor or those in need and end up spending majority of the money paying themselves, and moving around, and living in luxury and in advertisements to justify their course.
yet people make different things. from as simple as good music that keeps me warm even as i am alone and lonely, they make beautiful art that soothes the eye. to as complex as skyscrapers and vehicles and planes and this little device that is my friend and plays all my favorite and heartfelt music that i listen to as i walk the streets of Nairobi chasing after hell knows what.
people are starnge and i want to learn them and try to understand the human mind.
perhaps i want to understand my own mind further because in the days that pass i lack purpose and i find myself often confused and betrayed and angry and misunderstood by others and sometimes by my own self. and i have questions that lack answers and sometimes even though i do trust in myself i find that i lack trust in those that i am meant to trust.
quite often too i do find myself all alone despite the fact that i am in a crowd and lonely still when alone. people are strange...and i am strangest.
just as we often do when coupled with feelings like this one needs to run away from all that is familiar and all that is sane and modern. and so to this effect, in a few day, i shall be by the quiet lakeside, where the grass is green, the trees swaying green and the birds joyful. and while there i shall sleep in tents and have no access to electricity and hopefully by the time 48 hrs are over i shall have found my answers or at least a way to ignore the questions.
people are strange.
i personally believe it is.The most funny thing is that it is actually an escape from poverty that enriches those that are wise enough to take advantage of it. with the introduction of the new Kenyan "mututho" laws i am almost certain that there shall be more churches per square kilometers than there will be bars. this is good spiritually and economically...at least as far as the church owners are concerned. anyway i find my heart not in this subject anymore the more i get into it. it bores me.
i am not very religious myself.
perhaps my thoughts are more directed to human behavior which i watch intently and with a lot of bewilderment. why do people behave the way they do and think the way they do and make the choices they make. perhaps my own behavior intrigues me more.
for a person who notices very little when on the move, i do actually take some time and observe and think about what i see.
people are strange i have come to vaguely conclude.
i watch people laugh and get sad, and walk fast and fall in love and fall out of love. i have watched people lie and cheat and i have watched people deceive and break promises. i have seen people learn and yet remain ignorant. i have seen people dance and i have seen people sing. people are strange.
people come up with non-governmental organization to raise funds to support the poor or those in need and end up spending majority of the money paying themselves, and moving around, and living in luxury and in advertisements to justify their course.
yet people make different things. from as simple as good music that keeps me warm even as i am alone and lonely, they make beautiful art that soothes the eye. to as complex as skyscrapers and vehicles and planes and this little device that is my friend and plays all my favorite and heartfelt music that i listen to as i walk the streets of Nairobi chasing after hell knows what.
people are starnge and i want to learn them and try to understand the human mind.
perhaps i want to understand my own mind further because in the days that pass i lack purpose and i find myself often confused and betrayed and angry and misunderstood by others and sometimes by my own self. and i have questions that lack answers and sometimes even though i do trust in myself i find that i lack trust in those that i am meant to trust.
quite often too i do find myself all alone despite the fact that i am in a crowd and lonely still when alone. people are strange...and i am strangest.
just as we often do when coupled with feelings like this one needs to run away from all that is familiar and all that is sane and modern. and so to this effect, in a few day, i shall be by the quiet lakeside, where the grass is green, the trees swaying green and the birds joyful. and while there i shall sleep in tents and have no access to electricity and hopefully by the time 48 hrs are over i shall have found my answers or at least a way to ignore the questions.
people are strange.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
am no superman...but am pretty awesome
DISCLAIMER : the tittle has nothing to do with this post...i just always wanted to say that. well, not quite always, its just been burning me all day. the 1st part "am no superman" is from the theme song for scrubs by blane lazlo and the second part "but am pretty awesome" is from me...coz am pretty awesome heheheh.
moving on from my awesomeness, relationships are overrated. yes i said it they are extremely and so inappropriately overrated. friendship on the other hand is under-rated. this is sad really coz friendship if you ask me has a greater chance of existence and value compared to love-the relationship kinda atleast.
look at it from my eyes...when was the last time you broke up with your best friend? or better still i bet you don't have an uncle who divorced his childhood friend for a younger prettier one. get my point? friendship is just stronger. hell, you don't even get jealous when your good friends get other good friends.
do not get me wrong, i like relationships...they are good, companionship is great and the feeling of being loved and wanted is unmatched by any other. however, i do not believe reltionships overpowers friendship, the feeling of trust in someone and the knowledge that you have someone or people that can be trusted to be there without fail in your most difficult moments. self-infringed or not.
i believe a relationship as good as it is and as necessary as it is, one can do without. there should be no feeling of pressure to get into one. if anything they should come naturally as they so often do. in the words of one rapper..."loving you is a choice i go into not a decision i make"...i do not know how much sense that makes.
personally, i feel comfortable alone or single as i do when with someone. i feel everybody should be self contained. what i mean by this is, everybody should be comfortable enough in one's skin to be able to be alone and not feel like the world is ending. one's self worth should not be dictated by how much someone else loves you but rather by how much you love yourself. and if this is wrong then i do not want to be right.(not that i ever am really)
back to friendship, am not the best of people myself definitely not the most social. i have been told enough times to believe (whether its true or not) that i am in fact a snob, a tittle that i am forced to humbly and arrogantly take up. this is partly for the reason that i do not believe the guy with the most friends is necessarily the most well taken care of and loved. in the words of yet another rapper "i have few friends, am not in many crews"
.
this is not by coincidence but by design. i believe that if i have fewer friends i'll be able to take care of them better. another reason is that i am not an easy person to get along with. i am big-headed, arrogant, over-opinionated, sometimes ignorant, painfully truthful and have an absurd sense of self-importance among other bad qualities that would fill this page if i was to get to them.
loving me is a dirty job...and no one has to do it (how's that for arrogance?) anyway, what i mean is, it is difficult to get along with me and just as any other difficult task...not many can do it. but being in my circle comes with its rewards. i am good to my friends and i stand to be challenged on this. i would give a finger, a hand, a foot...a life for my close friends. i would NEVER let my friends down if can help it.
unfortunately,i wouldn't say the same for my girlfriends or lovers. i make it no secret that i would give up any love for my friends.i have as a matter of fact done it on several occasions. this might not be wise...i know. and needless to say many have taken advantage of this but what can i do? maybe as i am often told by Dexter my self-proclaimed philosopher and grandfather of all knowledge (this is said with all the sarcasm that sarcast can offer) i will get wiser as i get older and maybe my take on this will change but for now, this stands.
this post is inspired by a friend i would have given anything for and who on another friends advice, decided that friendship alone is unreal and for the gutter and that if she was not going to get a relationship she would have nothing at all to do with me.
do not in a rush for gold...discard the more valuable platinum that you already have.
moving on from my awesomeness, relationships are overrated. yes i said it they are extremely and so inappropriately overrated. friendship on the other hand is under-rated. this is sad really coz friendship if you ask me has a greater chance of existence and value compared to love-the relationship kinda atleast.
look at it from my eyes...when was the last time you broke up with your best friend? or better still i bet you don't have an uncle who divorced his childhood friend for a younger prettier one. get my point? friendship is just stronger. hell, you don't even get jealous when your good friends get other good friends.
do not get me wrong, i like relationships...they are good, companionship is great and the feeling of being loved and wanted is unmatched by any other. however, i do not believe reltionships overpowers friendship, the feeling of trust in someone and the knowledge that you have someone or people that can be trusted to be there without fail in your most difficult moments. self-infringed or not.
i believe a relationship as good as it is and as necessary as it is, one can do without. there should be no feeling of pressure to get into one. if anything they should come naturally as they so often do. in the words of one rapper..."loving you is a choice i go into not a decision i make"...i do not know how much sense that makes.
personally, i feel comfortable alone or single as i do when with someone. i feel everybody should be self contained. what i mean by this is, everybody should be comfortable enough in one's skin to be able to be alone and not feel like the world is ending. one's self worth should not be dictated by how much someone else loves you but rather by how much you love yourself. and if this is wrong then i do not want to be right.(not that i ever am really)
back to friendship, am not the best of people myself definitely not the most social. i have been told enough times to believe (whether its true or not) that i am in fact a snob, a tittle that i am forced to humbly and arrogantly take up. this is partly for the reason that i do not believe the guy with the most friends is necessarily the most well taken care of and loved. in the words of yet another rapper "i have few friends, am not in many crews"
.
this is not by coincidence but by design. i believe that if i have fewer friends i'll be able to take care of them better. another reason is that i am not an easy person to get along with. i am big-headed, arrogant, over-opinionated, sometimes ignorant, painfully truthful and have an absurd sense of self-importance among other bad qualities that would fill this page if i was to get to them.
loving me is a dirty job...and no one has to do it (how's that for arrogance?) anyway, what i mean is, it is difficult to get along with me and just as any other difficult task...not many can do it. but being in my circle comes with its rewards. i am good to my friends and i stand to be challenged on this. i would give a finger, a hand, a foot...a life for my close friends. i would NEVER let my friends down if can help it.
unfortunately,i wouldn't say the same for my girlfriends or lovers. i make it no secret that i would give up any love for my friends.i have as a matter of fact done it on several occasions. this might not be wise...i know. and needless to say many have taken advantage of this but what can i do? maybe as i am often told by Dexter my self-proclaimed philosopher and grandfather of all knowledge (this is said with all the sarcasm that sarcast can offer) i will get wiser as i get older and maybe my take on this will change but for now, this stands.
this post is inspired by a friend i would have given anything for and who on another friends advice, decided that friendship alone is unreal and for the gutter and that if she was not going to get a relationship she would have nothing at all to do with me.
do not in a rush for gold...discard the more valuable platinum that you already have.
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