I haven't been anywhere or done anything

I haven’t been anywhere

Or done anything.

I have worn a nice suit to a ball in Kigali

And taken a nap in a stranger’s hotel room at the Serena

I have kayaked across the creek below the Kilifi Bridge

And skydived onto the pristine Diani beach

To find a pretty girl holding out a beer

I have done yoga in Lamu, but only once

I spent the rest of the time laughing, and walking and riding in dhows

With the best company one can possibly have

I have been extremely hot in Yambio in South Sudan

And had beers and listened to Hugh Laurie

I have chatted up two friendly bar men at the World of Beer in Johannesburg

And gotten drunk with a powerful Kenyan governor in Sandton

I have walked by the incredibly windy streets below the Table Mountain in Cape Town

And had an intelligent conversation with a stripper at a gentleman’s club

I have gotten drunk at 8 a.m. in Istanbul

And watched two Russians start a drunken fight during a long layover in Dubai

I have stayed up all night drinking with an American girl called Caroline

I have partied at the Hotel Martinez and on a yacht moored in Cannes

I have had breakfast in Cannes, lunch in St. Tropez and dinner in Beziers

On the same day while driving along the dreamy South of France

Everyone in the South of France smokes and is in love

Except if you’re black in which case you smoke and sell umbrellas

On the street corner

I have taken train SNCF, first class, from Montpellier to Paris and wrote

I have stayed at a sex hotel (that used to be a sex museum) owned by a guy called Joe

I have seen the Eiffel tower, the Notre Dame and taken long walks by River Seine

I have had mussels at Au Pit Boulevard and attended a jazz concert at Le Duc des Lombards

I have been the only young person in a room full of retirees listening to renditions of Ella Fitzgerald

At the Sunset Sunside in Paris

I have had a good friend decorate his guest room with a maasai shuka and Tuborg

In his apartment in Oslo, and discovered shower beer

I have been to the Opera House in Oslo and had very chilly drinks at the Ice Bar

I have played a game of ‘mi chip are lustet met’ with a lovely family in a warm cabin  

On a snowy Norwegian mountain

I have sat up watching repeats of the Designated Survivor with a friend in his house in Bergen

I have taken a long morning walk and watched the sunrise by the Charles River in Cambridge

I have watched Skylar Gray and Zedd on stage on a drunken night In Boston

And enjoyed it more than I should have

I have taken the limo-liner from the Hilton in Boston to New York

I have been dazzled by the lights in Time Square and shopped in Soho

I have taken long walks at night by the Hudson River

And taken the ferry to the Statue of Liberty and to Ellis Island

I have peed off the window of my hotel room onto the street in Zanzibar

For no apparent reason…and so has Muchi

I have flown loved ones to places where I was to spend time  

I have partied three days straight and raced boda bodas in Kampala

I have checked out of a hotel in Watamu barely an hour after checking in

Because of racism

I have camped by Lake Naivasha and spent too much time at Punda Milias

Because a lovely couple there were always welcoming

But I have come home and scratched all the places I have been on a map of the world

And realized that I haven’t been anywhere or done anything.