Bachelor Chronicles 1; Please Please Do My Dishes

Just to clear things up before I get judged for this, I am not a male chauvinist. I believe that men should help in the house chores, sweeping, cleaning, and changing napkins and such and such.

Okay, that out of the way, whenever I have a lady at my house I always try and get them to do the dishes for me. (Take me away feminists)

 I hate…no despise…no LOATHE doing dishes.  Asked to choose between a 6 hour intelligence class by Mike Sonko and washing two plates I would go for the class without a second thought.

In few instances when I have a lady friend in the house (very few instances if my mum ever reads this). I will go out of my way to get them to the kitchen with the hope that they will see the mess, sympathize with me and do me the great favor. It does not always work but when it does I love the woman forever (even if I never call you again, trust me I love you hehehe)

Mostly this is how it goes, after a long uuum…jog, (I like to jog with good looking women after a lot of drinking) so after the jog the lady will grab a towel and walk out of the uum…jogging room to find something to drink water, milk , soda and such and such. My jogging sessions can be quite breath taking and thirst inducing. So they walk to the kitchen and alas! can not believe their eyes.

Now at this juncture it’s probably important I explain what the sight mostly is. Beer bottles; lots and lots of beer bottles. Strewn from the floor, to the fridge top, to the counter, to the sink and inside the half eaten pack of bread. Dirty cups and plates, take-away wrappers, half eaten fries and chicken bones (apparently no one ever eats the chicken half way). Coffee sachets, paper bags, airtime tickets and girl’s earrings.

Do not ask about the latter.

So there the nice lady is, in her towel, trying to take in the sight and she turns to shout at me. Something in the tune of, “what kind of animal are you?”

 But she finds me standing right there behind her with the cutest desperate baby face you have ever seen.

The first question is always

“yani you don’t have even a single clean cup?’

Now from this point…the conversation may take several directions depending on the girl’s character

Scenario 1: The Non-Give-A-Shittist

Me: (almost in tears) yes…I have a problem (bows head)

Her: (walking back to the jogging room) am not even thirsty anymore

Scenario 2: The Hog

Me: (almost in tears) yes…I have a problem (bows head)

Her: its okay I’ll just drink from the bottle (downs a whole 2 liter soda)

Scenario 3: Yule Mchafu

Me: (almost in tears) yes…I have a problem (bows head)

Her:  sawa!  (Grabs the cleanest looking one and drinks from it)

Scenario 4: The Keeper

Me: (almost in tears) yes…I have a problem (bows head)

Her: (tightening her towel) no one should live like this….where is your soap and dish cloth…if you even have them?

Now scenario four does not come around very often so sometimes when the girl has not been to the kitchen the whole while, I trick them in the morning, I offer to go buy breakfast if she’ll prepare it. In most cases they innocently agree. I come back with the stuff and point them to the kitchen then bam!

This has always worked till a day or two ago when these girls, shock on me, opted to just skip breakfast altogether.

So I had to do the dishes…sad day for a bachelor.