African Love 2

One of the best songs I have ever heard is “if you get there before I do” or “love me” by Collin Raye. It is a simple song about true love. In the song, a young boy finds a note in his grand father’s coat.  So the grandfather explains to his grandson that when he was younger, his grandmother’s father did not like him much and so they planned to run away together, get married in the first town they came to and live forever.

 But when he got to the place they were supposed to meet, he instead found a letter pinned on a tree

The letter said:

if you get there before I do, don’t give up on me, I’ll meet you when my chores are through, I don’t know how long I’ll be…but am not going to let you down, darling wait and see…

The song goes on with other details and finally ends with the grandfather reading the same letter to the grandmother in her coffin when she has passed on. Indeed according to the song they did live forever.

Now apparently this song note was written in 1923 and clearly the setting is not in Africa. Now flash forward to the present day Kenya. I recently was told a story about a young man and his girlfriend…ex girlfriend rather. Now, they were high school sweet hearts and very much in love. A year or so after high school, the young man got a scholarship to go study abroad and chose to turn it down as it involved leaving his love behind. The gesture was all much appreciated, kisses exchanged, promises renewed and what have you. It was a beautiful thing that the young man had done and the greatest show of love.

A couple of months later, in a nice twist of events, the girl also got a scholarship to go study abroad. She went.

This brings me back to my previous point that most African and to be more precise most Kenyan relationships are based on convenience rather than love.

Lets go back to Collin Raye’s grand parents who I suppose in 1923 must have been in their late teens or very early 20’s. Was the girl running away with her love very convenience? I think not. The fact that she was actually finishing her chores first, show how much of an inconvenience she was putting herself into. Of course the most convenient thing would have been to tell the guy “look we are never going to get my father’s blessing so we might as well move on with our different lives…” and it would'nt have hurt to throw the good old “its you not me” or “we can still be friends” line.

I might be wrong but I suspect most Kenyan marriages are borne out of convenience. A man impregnates a woman and so they opt to get married or move in together love not withstanding. Your parents prefer one spouse to the other and so you marry or stick with your parents’ choice to avoid tussle and conflict. A girl marries a richer man whom she does not love because it guarantees her a good life.

All convenience no love.

And if you should ever choose love over convenience especially in matters financial, you get bombarded with shitty advice from family and friends. Lines such as love does not put food on the table and love will not pay the rent and so on and so forth.


and am not done yet...